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'The Day I Discovered the Truth About the Man In the Red Suit'
'Something In The Road'
Is a good thing you happened by when you did, stranger! Things are getting a little bit... well, crazy around here. But, shhhhhhh...! We shan't tell the others, now, shall we? Okay? Some of them just hate that word! One or two of them have even been known to perform some nasty unspeakable horror upon some unfortunate individual, just for uttering such a thing in a place like this.
Why, this is the Asylum, of course! However, 'we' prefer to refer to it as a retirement home for the truly unique and brilliantly gifted genuises that we are. It gives many of us who have been here for a very long time, a little hope at getting out of this place one day.
Pardon me? Did you just tell me to kill my father? No? Are you sure? Well, if you say so! Must be those pesky voices in my head, again! By the way, would you happen to have a stick of chewing gum? No? Hmmmm! Maybe next time, you'll think to bring some? Now where was I? Oh! I know! Is a good thing you happened by when you did, stranger! Things are getting a little bit... well, I think I told you this, already. Hmmmm! Ah, yes! We were talking about the Asylum.
What was that? But, you just said that I should go up to the fifth floor and jump out of a window. Yes, you did! I don't know what kind of games you're trying to play, friend, but I'm not going to take much more of it! Understand? Like everyone else inside here, I have done some pretty horrible things, and I am nowhere near to being cured! Just a little warning, friend, to be sure!
Now that we got that settled, shall we continue? Good! As I was saying, this place houses some of the most twisted minds in the entire realm. The Master keeps some of the more dangerous and unsavory characters in this place. Each one a homicidal maniac in their own right. And each with a particularly morbid tale to tell, if one such as yourself has the courage to tempt fate in such a manner.
Tell you what! Since I'm bored and have nothing better to do, I will show you around. I can introdece you to some of my friends, in here. But, be warned! I cannot be held responsible for their actions! I will try to help, if I can, but you're pretty much on your own if one of the more violent 'residents' get ahold of you.
Alright, now! Take my hand, and if I squeeze it rather tightly from time to time, just ignore it! I get these urges, sometimes! Usually, when that happens, I just rip apart one of the dollys that they give me. Since it appears I have broken every single dolly in the place, the homicidal urges are becoming more frequent, and the voices have begun, once again!
By the way! Do you have any chewing gum? I could really use a stick of chewing gum, you know! It's a nice day for chewing gum! Maybe one of the others has some. Come along, now, friend! We have lots to see!